do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
