at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize