I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
whose parrot is this?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
A bitchslap is in order.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
