2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
