It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
