I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
