So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
