I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
