I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
