Where is the hickey?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
