who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
