I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
