she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
