You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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