So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
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It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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