the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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