I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
