Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
