i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
