she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
