fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
