hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
