You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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