I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
