He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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