i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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