I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
