I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
im calling her cock vulture from now on
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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