She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
