fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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