I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
