Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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