i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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