you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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