I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
