i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
