I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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