Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
if i died would you start the facebook group?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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