I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
