i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
