Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
