Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
