also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
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My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
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NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You may now shotgun with the bride
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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