there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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