she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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