Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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