Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize