in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
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Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
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It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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