I heard we made out
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
