If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
