I puked a lego.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
