i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
