funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
