i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
