I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
