I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
