Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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