Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Less talking, more tequila
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
