That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
