I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
