Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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