The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
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