and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Randomize
